I woke yesterday morning on the utterly uncomfortable hospital hide-a-bed at 5:00 am. As my eyes cracked open, I saw that Karie was facing me while the reflection from her iPad shone off her face. I heard crying. I lay quiet for a while and didn’t want to interrupt what God was doing at that moment. The minutes passed by and the crying increased. I moved behind Karie, rubbed her shoulders and saw that she was reading comments written on this blog. She asked me to climb next to her and cuddle for a while. During this time we were able to finally express some thoughts percolating in our minds.
One of the main themes we seem to hear throughout this entire trial is that Karie is such a strong woman. What’s funny about this is that my beloved wife believes nothing could be farther from the truth. It reminded us of this verse:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)
God’s power is made perfect in weakness. That’s it. We are broken and weak. And it is in these moments of weakness where God shows forth his power. Karie said to me that God could not have chosen a weaker vessel. She said that she has never felt so broken and thankful at the same time. Read those words again. She has never felt so broken and thankful.
It could be so easy for either one of us to become bitter and angry. But when I pry open the canister in our hearts where bitterness might be found, there is only grace. Unbroken and pure grace. We are participating in the sufferings of Jesus. He bore our curse and took upon himself our shame. He has defeated death, has triumphed over it. Oh how we love Jesus.
There are many things to get ready for today. We are having just a family memorial service at our home in a few short hours. I would like to sit and linger over words and thoughts for a bit more time, but Elsa Joy is calling my name. I must attend my sweet child.
Karie cried in my arms this morning and just said, I don’t want to do today.
His power is made perfect in weakness.