The Time Is Coming
There have been changes that have happened in regard to our planning the life and death of Mercy. We made a change from our mid-wife in Cambridge to the christian Doctor from the cities that delivered our son Justus a bit over a year ago. Our first Mercy meeting with him was yesterday. We had the surprise blessing of having an ultrasound and seeing our baby girl move around freely in the sanctuary of the womb. Karie cried the entire time. It was sweet in one sense to see our baby girl again, yet sad to see there was no miraculous transformation of her state which might make her compatible with life. We had one 3D image printed off where you could make out features of her face. She has very chubby cheeks. Karie, through her tears, said that Mercy looked cute. Indeed she did. Karie thought she resembled Elsa.
The result of Mercy not swallowing normally in the womb is that Karie's fluid level is very high. Normal amounts would be 25cc., and Karie measured at a whopping 44cc. She also measured 4 weeks larger in her tummy than our due date suggests. My beloved is so very uncomfortable and tired. She told me yesterday that she feels 9 months pregnant. Because of this, we have placed an induction date on the calendar for Friday January 23rd. There is a chance that Karie will not be able to make two more weeks. If that be the case, we will move up the induction date as needed. We picked two weeks so that we could prepare our hearts and the coming tasks.
For me, seeing Mercy again brought more comfort that I would have expected. She appeared more whole than I had pictured in my mind. I am looking forward to seeing and capturing a picture of her sweet six finger hand. This hadn't been the case before yesterday. My Pastor told me that we would probably appreciate images of her that preserved the qualities of goodness that she does have. I think now that this is right. I do not feel that seeing her will repulse us in any way now. God seemingly has worked out things I did not know he did in my mind over the past weeks. I am thankful.
Emotional and spiritual pain, I now think, is much worse than physical pain. The body can creak, groan, and throb while experiencing pain. Yet this pain is momentary, and of lesser degree in comparison to the pain of one's own thoughts. I do not think Mercy will experience either of these two types of pain. Karie is experiencing both types, I am experiencing one. As much as I do not want to say hello and goodbye to our daughter Mercy; I do desire at least the physical pain to be quieted in the body of my dear beloved wife. We are one flesh through the covenant of marriage, and I ache as one half of me feels that I am 9 months pregnant as well.